#22 Adverbs by Daniel Handler

If you're not a fan of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, you missed out on something that was pretty cool for a while. Daniel Handler is an interesting writer who also happens to play accordian for the Magnetic Fields in addition to being Lemony Snicket. I heard Mr. Handler read from this, his new novel, at the Barnes and Noble in Edina. I then solicited his archnemesis services because I have been in the market for an archnemesis ever since I vanquished my last nemesis in spectacular theatrical fashion (an event I may choose to relate at another time). DAMN YOU, Daniel Handler! You have struck the first profound blow!



Let me clarify that statement. Mr. Handler's supremacy is the result of this novel's tedious, overly-stylized, utterly boring prose. Again, I say, DAMN YOU, Daniel Handler!

All readers should be warned that despite the clear indication on the cover that this is a novel, it is actually not a novel, rather a collection of essays, some of which are loosely intertwined with one another. Daniel Handler even describes the book as a collection of essays on page 193. The essays are about love, and in one of them the snow queen appears. There is nothing believable about any of the characters or scenarios and I was thoroughly disinterested. I don't have a problem with things being unbelievable in a book, but Daniel Handler tiptoes on the verge of magical realism and refuses to take that extra step. Instead wading in the pool of his stylized prose as it festers and births molds and fungi of varying degrees of putresence. (Take that!)

As a Children's book author, Handler's repetitive and sometimes pedantic tone is endearing. Here it is patronizing and annoying. For some reason he feels it is okay to interject as the first person author in places in this book, the way Lemony Snicket does; that too is entirely inappropriate and confusing. (And That!)

As if things weren't bad enough, There's a pull quote on the back from Dave Eggers, whose mediocrity hardly deserves mentioning here. To Mr. Eggers I say: Your reign of terror is at an end! (This statement is fueled almost entirely by jealousy of Dave Eggers vast wealth and frienship with They Might Be Giants and Sarah Vowell).

So, Daniel Handler, you may have stolen hours of reading enjoyment away from me and distracted me from superior literature for almost three weeks, but I have survived your assault, and rest assured this is only the warning shot of my impending literary onslaught!

I recommend this book to NO ONE!

Deal with THAT!

posted by brettish @ 12:03 PM